


Let Them Kiss !

by xenasbich



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Gay Panic, Lapdance, Stripping, Tight Spaces, UST, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, tags will be updated with chapters, will i ever let them kiss? who knows!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenasbich/pseuds/xenasbich
Summary: They're in love but they're idiots. Horny gay idiots. Much gay panicking and sexual tension ensues.(WIP but I am actively writing more!)
Relationships: Gabrielle/Xena
Comments: 21
Kudos: 86





	1. 1 - 'Oh no they're stuck in a tiny closet what a terrible travesty'

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update this as i write more, stay tuned!

The air that whistled past her cheek as she sidestepped the blade felt sharp and cold. Xena narrowed her eyes at the masked man before her and knelt, pleased when a swift blow to the stomach caused the man to let out a breathless grunt. No faceless brute got that close to her and got away with it. Quickly rising, a sharp kick sent the man toppling backwards, but she didn’t wait to see him fall before spinning on the spot to find her next opponent. Two men, with the same black, featureless masks, charged at her, their yells echoing through the castle halls. She grinned, her features feral, and let out a cry of her own. They met in a clash of blades and fists, and it took Xena mere moments to overpower them. Honestly. Sometimes she missed Callisto. She was annoying but at least she was a challenge.

Scoffing at the unconscious forms behind her, Xena ran on down the long hallway, slashing at masked men, only slowing when three or more came at her at once. Whoever was behind these men had no budget for fighters. Xena was disappointed.

Some King had sent for her, asking her help to protect his daughter on the eve of her wedding. There had been some drama with a neighbouring kingdom and the King was suspicious. Not the sort of thing Xena would usually do, but she was bored. God, she was bored. Gabrielle, too. Not a single warlord or even a lowly bandit to fight for weeks. There was only so much sparring she and Gabrielle could do before they both lost it and started looking for trouble.

Not that they didn’t like the quiet times, she thought, running a man through, grunting as his rib stuck stubbornly on her sword, of course they liked the quiet times. Xena would fish, or make rope, or hunt, while Gabrielle would write, or cook, or… do whatever it was she did. And sometimes they’d just sit. Xena would never admit it but scenery, trees and mountains and lakes or whatever it was all about, really wasn’t so bad when you have someone to enjoy it with. She smiled softly to herself - swinging her sword at an assailant’s knees, not pausing as he screamed and fell - thinking about all the pointless bets she and Gabrielle had made, all the teasing and gibes. All the stars they had named. Her heart swelled as she stopped another’s, blade buried in his chest.

But all the other times? All the other times, she needed a fight. She was a warrior, she needed the action, the adrenaline, she needed to run and slash and yell and risk her life. And with Gabrielle at her side? She knew nothing better.

They’d made their plans, and Gabrielle had gone on ahead, disguised as a servant to gain castle gossip. Xena had followed, greeting the King and hearing the rest of his story.  
Blah blah enemies blah blah look after my daughter blah blah blah.

Okay, maybe she should have listened more. But she was bored! There were bad guys to fight somewhere!

Said bad guys arrived far sooner than anyone had anticipated. They’d emerged from the people, staff, courtiers, lords, it had all happened too fast for Xena to pick out a pattern. She’d grabbed the poor princess by the wrist, locked her in an empty store room out of sight of the masked men, and set to work.

Work, fighting, same thing really.

She hadn’t seen Gabrielle since she arrived, and she was starting to worry. The men were pretty terrible fighters but there were lots of them and they seemed to know the castle extremely well (she stored that information for later). She knew Gabrielle could handle herself, of course she did, but Xena was allowed to worry. About her friend.

Hah.

Sure, she had to protect the princess, but her main priority right now was finding Gabrielle.

She landed one last blow and finally turned, darting into an empty room, leaving the long hall and groaning bodies behind her. Booted feet tramped past the door as she slumped against it on the floor, resting for a moment to catch her breath.

“Xena!” A roar echoed through the castle, and Xena’s head whipped up. She didn’t recognise the voice, but it was angry, and it was after blood. Her blood.

She stood, cracked her neck, reached for her sword and grabbed the door handle, only to be swiftly yanked backwards, a hand over her mouth and one around her waist, and bundled into a small, dark… was that a closet?

As the door swung shut, enclosing them, she struck out with her elbow, trying to dislodge whoever was behind her, but the person dodged, and a soft but sharp “Xena!” below her ear caused her to still.

Gabrielle kept her hand around Xena’s waist, but removed the hand from her mouth.

“Gabrielle? What-“

“Don’t be an idiot, Xena, we’re here to protect the princess, whoever that is can wait until she’s safe. I know you want a good fight but let’s worry about her first. Is she somewhere safe?”

Xena huffed, of course that made sense.

“They won’t find her.”

“Good.” Gabrielle’s whisper was breathy, and despite their height difference, in the tight space it felt as though it was right in Xena’s ear. She swallowed inaudibly.

The angry yelling sounded closer over the clash of swords. The King’s army wasn’t entirely useless, Xena supposed. She was sure whoever was after her wouldn’t give up for some time, but he could wait. She fully intended to go out there and confront him, but Gabrielle did have a point. They’d wait until he passed, get the girl out of the castle and then return to fight whoever was doing this.

But first they had to wait.

As the yelling of profanities and her name passed by the door - clearly whoever it was wasn’t smart enough to think to check _inside_ of rooms for people he was looking for - and the din lessened, Xena all at once became acutely aware of just how close Gabrielle was. She _still_ hadn’t dropped her hand from where it rested at Xena’s stomach, and she could feel her friend pressed up along the length of her back, the blonde’s head pressed firmly against Xena’s shoulders.

Xena bit her lip and closed her eyes. Great. Just great.

Of course she loved Gabrielle. Of course she did. She’d loved her for years. It was friendly at first, she was happy for the company, but the longer they spent together, the more times Gabrielle saved her life... changed her life, the deeper it got. Until she was ready to never spend a single second thinking about anyone else. And then… and then she wanted Gabrielle. And oh, how she wanted. Any time their hands touched, any time Gabrielle’s top rode up a little higher than usual, any time… gods forbid, every time they bathed. She would never act on it, just sit and stew inwardly, outwardly (hopefully) never letting on, smiling and teasing as usual.

But now? Now, in this dark tiny space with Gabrielle plastered to her back and hand wrapped firmly around her, she was struggling.

She could blame it on the rush of the fight, she supposed. Yeah, that’d do it. It was the fight still coursing through her veins that made her resolve weaken more than usual, and if her cheeks were flushed? It was obviously from the exertion.

Gabrielle shifted her weight slightly and Xena’s lip took an extra hard biting as she controlled her breathing. Gabrielle’s chest was now fully pressed up to Xena’s back, and her arm at Xena’s stomach slipped higher.

“Sorry, cramp.”

The hand tightened, probably in reassurance or apology.

Xena couldn’t take it.

She jostled and twisted and turned until she was facing Gabrielle.

Oh. Oh, and that was the worst decision she’d ever made. Ever. _Shit_.

Gods, she’d gotten rid of the slightly-too-high hand problem, but she’d forgotten about the chest-pressed-to-back problem.

She drew a sharp breath and tried to subtly step backwards, desperate to put space between them, but Gabrielle’s hand - now in the dip of Xena’s lower back (help) - was unrelenting.

Was she doing this on purpose? Gabrielle did seem distracted, her head was turned to the side, as though she were listening out or… something.

Being face-to-face now presented her with another set of problems. Legs no longer fit together nicely.

She tried tucking her legs slightly behind her, but that position was too hard to hold. Placing her legs either side of Gabrielle’s presented the same challenge.

She opted to slide one leg between her friend’s. Gabrielle turned back to Xena, her attention back in the closet from Xena’s movements, and shuffled her legs around to accommodate.

Xena’s arms, which before she could easily hold in front of her, were now hanging awkwardly at her sides. She hesitated, cursing (or maybe thanking?) the gods, before raising the one trapped between her side and the back of the closet to rest around Gabrielle’s waist. On her skin. Her bare… Xena closed her eyes again, ready to remove her hand, the sensation too much in the enclosed space.

But Gabrielle stiffened, almost imperceptibly, and Xena swore she heard her breath catch ever so slightly.

Oh?

She let her palm sit firmly on Gabrielle’s skin. Her friend relaxed.

Never once had Xena hoped that Gabrielle would feel the same way about her. She’d imagined it, many, _many_ times, but she’d never let herself hope. But that…

Xena was about as far from a blushing virgin as one could get. She’d been with men, women, probably others. (Hey, she was drunk sometimes.) She knew what that reaction was. Or she hoped she did.

They had a little time, and she’d had enough of being the only one uncomfortable and… well. On edge. She decided - just this once, and then she’d let it go if nothing came of it - to test the waters.

“Sorry, cramp.” She let an edge creep into her voice as she echoed Gabrielle’s earlier words.

Gabrielle grunted.

Xena smirked.

She turned her head, to face the door, under the pretence of listening out for the angry yelling… whatever.

She let her thumb gently, subtly, caress the skin it met with, as though in an unconscious gesture.

Gabrielle made no effort to stop it, and Xena let herself revel in the softness, the smooth plane of skin now new territory to ever-so-slowly explore.

Gabrielle brought her free hand up to meet the one at Xena’s back. Xena’s own hand faltered, briefly, as she realised she was trapped in her friend’s embrace.

Xena shifted her stance slightly, her leg starting to fall asleep from the lack of movement, and regretted it instantly when it caused Gabrielle’s hands to slip from her lower back further down to the crest of her behind.

They stayed there.

Xena’s hand didn’t falter this time, but her lip took an almighty beating to keep her breath steady.

Gods, she was glad of the dark.

Her cheeks felt aflame, her pupils, she was sure, would be wider than the darkness could cover for, and her lips would be red, almost bloodied from their poor treatment. 

Gabrielle suddenly broke the silence with a low question.

“Who do you think he is?”

Xena was ashamed to admit that it took her a moment to realise what Gabrielle was talking about, so focused on the sound of her voice and the arms wrapped around her.

She cleared her throat, worried at the tone that would escape otherwise.

“I’ve no idea. I don’t recognise his voice. But I’ve upset a lot of people in my time. Could be someone I know, could be someone who knows me.”

Gabrielle hummed in thought, before, “What do you think he wants with the princess?”

Xena licked her lips. Her mind _really_ wasn’t in the right place for this. She leaned back slightly against the side of the closet, hoping for some kind of grounding to kick her brain back into thinking.

But the movement brought Gabrielle, somehow, _somehow_ , even closer to her, and Xena’s hand slipped further across and - gods - down Gabrielle’s body, and Gabrielle’s arms tightened to keep her balance, and Gabrielle’s _leg_ pressed where it _really shouldn’t_ , and it was all Xena could do to hold back the noise that tried to claw its traitorous way out of her throat.

Gabrielle muttered an apology.

Xena counted to five. She had come up with some kind of answer.

“The-” she tried, inelegantly.

She cleared her throat and tried again.

“That neighbouring King probably hired him. Those masked men, spies?” was the best Xena could do.

It wasn’t right, she knew it wasn’t, Gabrielle probably knew it wasn’t, but at this point she didn’t really think either of them cared.

And Gabrielle… Gabrielle would not stop _moving_.

Clearly her position pressed over Xena was awkward and uncomfortable, but there wasn’t a way she could stand fully without pulling Xena back up with her, and Xena guessed Gabrielle wanted to let Xena rest, having slumped first.

Something within her was touched by that.

But that wasn’t the touching she was concerned about.

Xena gritted her teeth against the sensation of Gabrielle’s thigh moving between her legs. It wasn’t a lot, really, not through Xena’s skirt and underclothes, but the pressure was… not easily ignorable.

She lost control of her breathing for a moment. She heard it stutter. She had tried her best but really, she was only mortal, and the woman she loved was, quite literally, writhing between her legs.

She didn’t think Gabrielle caught the slip, and if she did she hoped it could be passed off as a huff of annoyance.

Xena’s little game of trying to get a rise out of Gabrielle was long over, she didn’t have much thought-space left other than Gabrielle’s name on repeat in her mind and Gabrielle’s warm skin under her hand and Gabrielle’s thigh between her legs and-

“Gabrielle, plea-” Xena’s voice was little more than an embarrassing needy whisper, and if Gabrielle heard it, she didn’t react.

Xena cleared her throat. She needed to stop this.

“Gabrielle, stop _moving_ ,” she forced out.

The movement, thankfully, finally, stopped ( _no, no, no!_ ).

Xena pushed herself upright, dropping her hand from Gabrielle’s side in the process, and thanking all the gods she’d ever met that her legs held her after… that. Gabrielle stood as well, sliding her hands back up to a more respectable position on Xena’s hips.

Well. It was probably meant to be respectable.

A particularly loud clash of swords just outside the door snapped Xena all the way back to reality. She was still needy, and a little hazy, but she was aware of more than just the girl before her.

What in Hades _was_ that?

She had never been like that before. Gabrielle had barely touched her and she was worked up and on edge faster than she cared to admit.

That? Was embarrassing, she decided.

Xena took a breath. Pulled herself together. Tried to surreptitiously smooth her clothes down.

Gods, she was worse than a hormonal youth.

“He’s gone from this wing of the castle. We should be able to get the princess clear and then return to fight whoever this useless man is.”

Xena took a brief moment to collect herself, before bursting from the closet and out of the room, not wanting to give Gabrielle a chance to see the state she’d been in.

She’d have to take a long bath in the castle’s rooms later.

Alone.


	2. 'A convenient emergency lap dance is needed to save the day'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious attack at a small-town inn leads Gabrielle and Xena into a night of very few clothes for Gabrielle and a very difficult time thinking for poor Xena, who finds herself with a lapful of Gabrielle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- bit of a language warning because xena definitely swears like a sailor and you cant change my mind -

Xena was a smart woman. She was. She really, really was. Everyone knew it, even her dullest enemies knew it.

But dear _Gods_ sometimes she surprised herself with her own stupidity.

She and Gabrielle had been passing through a small but bustling town as night was falling, and they had a few spare dinars left after buying supplies. They both were travel-weary, and staying in some semblance of a proper bed was always a nice treat.

They never made much money between them, Xena occasionally accepting a thank you reward from some rich king or lord, but truthfully, it was Gabrielle who brought in most of their coin to live by. Folks at inns and rest stops tipped what little they had when she told her tales, her wild gestures and suspenseful pauses in her scarier stories drawing the adults in; her silly skits - often at Joxer's expense - bringing tears of laughter to children's eyes.

Xena often found herself smiling into her drink off in a corner somewhere as she listened to Gabrielle exaggerate their adventures together.

This time was no different. Or, that was how it started.

A crackling fire in a hearth, good food, strong beer and a pretty girl recounting stories of their journeys together was enough to bring a soft, tender smile to her face and a warmth to her cheeks and heart. Her head was buzzing pleasantly, but she wouldn't get drunk. She hadn't allowed herself to get drunk since she'd turned her sword to good. She didn't like the person she became when she was drunk, and honestly, she worried about Gabrielle. She knew her friend could look after herself now, but she still desperately wanted to protect her. 

Xena watched on fondly as Gabrielle finished her tale, drawing appreciative claps from the crowd as she recounted whatever moral she'd managed to apparently gain from Xena's actions. Coins collected, and innkeep thanked, Xena turned her fond smile into a jesting smirk as her friend rejoined her in their dim corner of the room.

"Oh, come on, Xena, that's a good one. Ares with donkey ears? I know you enjoyed it. And I know for a fact you definitely enjoyed watching the real thing."

Xena rolled her eyes and chuckled, raising her hand to gesture to a girl to bring Gabrielle another drink as she responded.

"Alright, alright, you got me. Maybe I do enjoy your stories sometimes."

Gabrielle's brows shot up in mock disbelief, the corner of her mouth twisting upwards in a wry smile as she tapped at the shell of her ear.

"Oh? I'm sorry, could you say that again? It's quite loud in here, you know. I think I missed that one."

Xena shook her head and tutted, jostling Gabrielle's shoulder with her own.

"Ah, tragedy, she's so young to be losing her hearing already. I pray to the Gods that it does not trouble her too much."

Gabrielle scoffed, picking at the food left on Xena's plate as she shot back with "You better watch it, old crone."

Xena jerked back, hand over her heart, a pained expression on her face, and delighted at Gabrielle's sweet laugh that followed.

It was so easy between them. She loved her. So much.

The girl brought Gabrielle's drink and placed it down and as she did so, Xena happened to catch a glimpse of a strange marking on the crook of her neck, just near her shoulder. 

Gabrielle, noticing Xena's sudden change in demeanor, thanked the girl but quickly turned to face Xena, raising a questioning brow. 

"That girl… I thought it was a love-bite on her neck, but something isn't quite right."

"Bacchi? Are they back?" Gabrielle was quick, so quick. Xena shrugged, unsure. "Could be. I didn't get a close enough look."

Gabrielle turned in her seat.

“Excuse me!”

The girl trotted back.

Xena smiled fondly to herself at Gabrielle’s quick thinking.

“Yes?” The girl was young, younger than Gabrielle, maybe not quite twenty, and as she bent down to better hear Gabrielle, Xena’s stomach twisted.

Not at the sight of her neck covered in layer upon layer of purple-yellow love-bites, no. That was unsurprising. This girl had either a very avid lover, or serving food and drink was not her only job here.

No, what turned Xena’s insides was what she saw at the crook of the girl’s neck as her dress shifted.

Not a bacchi, definitely not. This was more human, red and angry and deep at the spot where the canines would have been.

Something she hadn’t seen for a long, long time, and certainly not in this country.

“Who did this to you?” The girl had been in the middle of a sentence, but Xena cut her off.

Her head whipped around, cheeks aflame, hand moving to fix the neckline of her dress.

Gabrielle shook her head disapprovingly at Xena. Okay. Maybe tact wasn’t always her strong point. Oh well.

“No one! I mean, just a clien- a man! Just a man. It’s nothing. Excuse me.” She nodded and swept away, purposely avoiding certain men at certain tables as she went, Xena noted.  
Xena scowled at the men the girl sidestepped.

Bastards.

Gabrielle sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Nice one, Xena.”

Xena made a face back at her, privately delighting in the little huffed laugh she received in return.

“It doesn’t matter. That girl is going to have a very difficult, very painful birth resulting in a darling little demon in two weeks if we don’t kill the incubus who did this very soon.”

Gabrielle’s brows shot up and she sat back in her seat.

“Incubus?! How in Hades did a girl like that get mixed up with an _incubus_?”

“She’s a brothel-girl, Gabrielle. I imagine she gets mixed up with all sorts of unpleasant folks.”

She watched carefully as Gabrielle's face shifted from her initial shock about the incubus attack to something like surprise (had she not realised?) to something like interest (oh? interesting indeed) to an unreadable, careful mask that even Xena couldn't interpret.

A small “oh” was all Xena got.

The place was small, but folks, especially girls, could always, always find work like that. The innkeep had to know, and either made some extra dinars managing the girls, or he didn't care. The girls that Xena had seen were attractive enough, as small town girls went. They would definitely bring in extra customers either way.

Occasionally, especially after particularly… close moments with Gabrielle, Xena thought about visiting a working woman or two, but she figured it was nothing her own hand couldn't take care of. She shouldn't spend dinars so carelessly, and she would feel guilty about betraying Gabrielle like that, in an odd way. They weren't together; Gabrielle wouldn't even have to know about it.

But even so. Sleeping with someone else. She didn’t want that. 

It was odd. She had never before had such a strong sense of loyalty for any one person.

Besides, she'd had her fair share of brothel visits in her time, and the workers always seemed so sad. It might've worked for her once, drunk and young and full of rage enough to not see or care, but now that she'd known love and light through Gabrielle? Well. It no longer held her interest enough to even entertain the thought for more than a few minutes.

Gabrielle’s mouth twisted in thought.

"What should we do?"

Xena _hmm_ 'd, rapping her knuckles on the table once, twice, before sitting upright and gazing at Gabrielle again, a plan coming together in her mind.

"I'll go undercover, talk to the girls, find out what they know, and-"

Gabrielle frowned and shook her head, tilting her half-empty mug from side to side.

"Wait, no, Xena, let me do it. You need to be on the outside, observing. You can pose as a customer or something, it makes more sense, you know I'm right. I can ask among the girls and tell you everything when you come to see me, and you can snoop around and go find whoever's doing this. I'll be fine."

Xena sighed and watched the rhythmic rocking of Gabrielle's mug.

She was right. This really would work better if Xena was able to move freely, to see all aspects of the situation. Gabrielle was smart, so smart, and so quick, but she lacked Xena's experience, and when lives were at stake they both knew they had to do what was right.

But Xena didn't have to like it, especially this time. The folks who frequented these sorts of places were rarely simple friendly farmers, and they wouldn't take kindly to Gabrielle turning them down, as she would inevitably have to. She knew Gabrielle could handle them, but she was still allowed to worry about the woman she loved, wasn't she?

She ran her hands down her face and looked up at Gabrielle.

"Alright. Fine. You're right. Stay here. I'll ask around town tonight and I'll come visit tomorrow evening. See what you can find. We'll go from there."

She paused, chewing her lower lip.

"Be careful."

Gabrielle smiled fondly, laying a hand over Xena's and squeezing lightly.

"I will. You too."

With that, she downed the last of her drink and stood, making her way to the waitress that they had questioned.

She watched as Gabrielle's whole demeanor changed. She went from confident and strong to flirty and clingy, clearly wanting to get on the girl's good side in order to get the job. The girl smiled at Gabrielle, nodding, and ran a hand down her arm, and Xena felt her stomach twist and burn.

Ah, jealousy. Wonderful.

Her lips twisted into a scowl and she stood, slamming her empty mug onto the table. She had to be anywhere else but here.

Gabrielle looked back at her slightly, and raised a questioning brow at Xena.

Xena shook her head, feigning ignorance, and gestured for Gabrielle to get a move on.

She rolled her eyes and turned back to follow the girl out of the room, but as she went, she winked.

She _winked_ at Xena.

And she could have _sworn_ Gabrielle was walking with a far more pronounced sway in her hips as she left.

And that, really, was where everything started going downhill for Xena.

-o-O-o-

Nothing. Absolutely _nothing_. Absolutely completely fuck all. That’s what Xena had found.

Plenty of folks had plenty to talk about, but nothing that was even remotely useful to her.

Xena had learned the following:

The witches by the water had a collection of demons, straight from the mouth of tartarus, said the baker and his wife. Unusual, Xena thought, and highly unlikely, but she checked it out anyway. It turns out the witch was just a kind - if somewhat strange - old woman and her grand-daughter who took in and cared for disfigured pets and livestock; poor creatures with extra horns or not enough limbs who would not have lived any kind of life anywhere else. Xena pressed a few dinars into their hands as she left.

One-eye Philaus, the town’s most notable drunkard, hadn’t been seen around town in a number of nights. No one was particularly worried about him; he had no friends, no family, and was cranky and loud, but people noticed him, and they noticed his absence.

A big rude man in a big ugly hat who had made it very, abundantly clear to Xena that he was in charge of this town, had lost his favourite ruby. Stolen! he exclaimed. Stolen as he’d slept! Xena didn’t like him. She didn’t even try to help with that one. Arsehole.

The most promising lead she’d heard had been of a stranger. An apparently _very_ handsome and charismatic man - if the women at the flower stall were to be believed - had been slinking about for a while. He had left earlier on the same night Xena and Gabrielle had arrived, they told her, on foot, heading east. She rode hard after him, and a few hours after dawn, found Autolycus tossing a great big shiny red gem gleefully from hand to hand, whistling a merry tune and grinning ear to ear as Xena approached.

Well. Two birds, one stone, she supposed.

She swapped a few quips with Autolycus, but let him go. With the ruby. She really, _really_ didn’t like Mr Ugly-hat.

As she returned, she rode past an old man with an eyepatch and an empty bottle lying beneath a tree a few miles outside of town. She called that one case closed on One-eye Philaus, too.  
So. Eventful, she supposed, but absolutely bloody _useless_ on the potential incubus front.

She hadn’t slept at all since she left the tavern, and she was worried about Gabrielle having to fend off drunk old men as she pretended to work… And, well. If she was honest, she was more than a little jealous at the thought of Gabrielle around all those pretty young women. She’d seen the way Gabrielle looked at women. She’d seen the way women looked at Gabrielle. She knew.

And, just to top it all off, she could not stop thinking about Gabrielle’s damn wink and what it _meant_ and the sway of her hips as she left the room.  
Her thoughts had kept drifting to those hips moving in… other circumstances. Above her, yeah. Less clothed, more private, more personal. That pretty smile Xena loved would filthy as Xena would run her hands over Gabrielle’s toned stomach, one hand moving higher, the other moving lower, and-

 _Gods_ , Xena, stop that.

She felt like a horny old man.

So that’s what she’d come to, huh.

Her arse was sore from riding all night and all day. Gods, Autolycus was a speedy little shit. She’d have to give Argo a special treat once this was all done.

She rubbed her face and moaned as she sat, back in the damn tavern yet again, with nothing to show for her efforts at all and a faint flush on her cheeks.

It was busy, and loud, and Xena briefly wondered if this day was some kind of special holiday or something, but she was too exhausted and irritable to care.

She raised her hand as a serving woman rushed past, gesturing for a mug of literally fucking anything. She honestly didn’t care.

By the time she’d received her mug and downed it, the sun had long since set.

It really was _very_ busy.

She looked around.

The woman who had served her was much older than the usual girls. Across the room, two more women around the same age were also taking orders and serving. It was possible they worked the nights here as well, Xena supposed, but she doubted it. They seemed harried and unused to serving regularly, and Xena could have sworn she recognised one of them from the flower stall yesterday.

So, no brothel-girls then.

No brothel-girls meant no Gabrielle.

Xena started to worry.

What was happening? Were the girls so busy with clients tonight that there were none to serve? Or had something happened to them?

 _Shit_.

If anything had happened to Gabrielle…

Xena slammed her fist on the table as she stood, her chair protesting with a groan and a creak as it was shoved violently back across the uneven floor.

A few nearby patrons cast their drunken gazes at her, nosey about the disturbance, but Xena's cold stare turned them quickly away.

 _Yeah, that's right, look away, assholes_.

She was tired. She was mad. She was worried about her friend.

She was oh-so ready to stab anyone who so much as breathed wrong around her.

Her grip tightened on the hilt of her sword as she made to leave her table. She would find someone to interrogate. Violently.

She should never have let Gabrielle do this. She should've insisted Gabrielle leave town until she sorted it out. She would have been safe then, no old men to harass her, no incubus to attack her, no mysteriously disappearing, no-

A bell rang, loud and clear, and Xena's head snapped up.

All but three torches by the bar were extinguished, casting the front of the room in a soft orange glow.

The patrons went silent. It was deafening.

Someone, somewhere, started playing a stringed instrument she had no hope of naming.

And the crowd _erupted_.

Hooting, cheering, whistling, wild and crazed and very drunk.

Someone jostled her as they stood, jeering and clapping, and Xena was pushed back into her seat.

The clapping became rhythmic as the patrons joined their cheers together, and someone started stomping, and the whole thing sped up into a frenzy, and then a door behind the bar opened, and a girl stepped out and climbed some makeshift stairs to stand atop the bar, and then another followed, and three more, and then Xena understood.

It was show night.

They were wearing… scraps. Scraps and scarves. That's all you could call it, really. Their modesty barely concealed by strips of cloth around their breasts and hips, and thin, sheer scarves draped across their shoulders.

Xena loved Gabrielle, she did, she still had to find her, she needed to get up out of this seat and go look, but she was human, and these women were almost naked, and dancing seductively across the bar-turned stage, and it was distracting, and she’d just take a few seconds, just a few, and-

And then it didn't matter what the fuck that thought was going to be, because then someone shouted "Tonight we have a new girl for you all to enjoy!" and then the door opened again, and something made Xena rush to her feet, and she watched as Gabrielle, her beautiful, pure, kind Gabrielle, stepped out onto the stage. 

Well, _fuck_.

Yeah, Xena really was an enormous, stupid idiot sometimes.

Why?

Because she didn't for one second stop to consider that Gabrielle pretending to be a brothel-girl meant Xena would see her in the sort of outfits brothel-girls wore.

Which, in this case, was very _very_ little.

Gabrielle honestly didn't wear all that much in the first place, but that was different. Xena saw that every day. She liked it a lot, but she saw it every day, so it was normal. They bathed together, too, and Xena often saw (delightfully) more than she bargained for. But, again, different circumstance.

But this? Those same scraps of cloth as the other girls? Bare skin and muscles and-

 _Gods_ , Gabrielle was perfect.

The rational part of Xena's brain popped in, so very briefly, and was relieved to see Gabrielle alive and well.

And then the primitive part of Xena's brain took over, and all those thoughts she'd been having throughout the day came right back.

She leaned back in her chair and took in the sight for a moment.

Gabrielle had clearly had a few quick lessons on how to move her body for this, because Xena had seen her dance before, and it wasn't amazing, if she was being honest. But this was. Yeah, it was amazing.

Still slightly awkward, her body not yet used to certain movements, but it got the point across.

And that point was all breasts and hips and shoulders, and stomach and arm muscles as she writhed and twirled and the crowd cheered as she dipped backwards, hands cupping her own breasts, and if Xena joined in on that one particular cheer, well, who could blame her?

But maybe that was a mistake, because Gabrielle's head whipped up, and she scanned the crowd, and suddenly Xena found herself caught in the middle of Gabrielle's gaze.

Xena half-expected her to blush, or shy away, or something, but she looked determined, and she smiled, and Xena wasn't really sure if it was fond or if it was dark, but Gods she loved that smile.

So she smiled back.

Gabrielle twirled away and took the hand of the girl they'd met yesterday, and the two performed some sort of intimate dance that had them fingering at each other's scraps and flinging their scarves away and the crowd _roared_ and Xena's stomach twisted and burned and _fuck_ she wanted so badly for that to be her touching Gabrielle like that.

She had never hated anyone more than she hated that anonymous girl in that moment.

All at once, the girls stopped, and the crowd hushed, but it was a charged hush, like the moment before the first thunderclap in a lightning storm.

The girls stepped off the stage.

But they didn't leave.

They came towards the crowd.

And the thunder crashed.

Soldiers, bards, travellers, farmers, craftspeople, merchants, all of them scrabbled and scrambled to make the largest pile of coins they possibly could, and the girls twirled about the room, touching shoulders and chests and blowing kisses and checking coins, and when they found a pile they deemed big enough, they shimmied themselves into the laps of the lucky customer who'd offered up the dinars.

One of the girls approached Xena, bending at an obscene angle that gave Xena and everyone around her a full glimpse of her very ample breasts.

"You want something from the new girl? Pay up. I saw you looking. She's picky, you know, but maybe, if you have something special for her, she'll give you what you want."

The girl gave her a pointed stare and Xena got the sense that there was some underlying message there, but the girl spun away before she could ask more.

But it didn't matter, because Gabrielle was approaching, pushing her way through the grabbing, grasping hands, heading her way, and Xena supposed she should do what the girl had said.  
She fished about for some dinars and dumped two handfuls onto the table before her.

And then Gabrielle was there, before her.

And then she was _right there_.

In.

In Xena's lap.

Very nearly naked.

"Good, she told you. I couldn't have come over here if you didn't pay, it would've looked suspicious."

What? Huh? Suspicious?

Gabrielle was speaking, probably, but Xena was far too busy worrying about what to do with her hands.

"Sure," was all she managed, settling with letting them flop awkwardly by her sides.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes.

And her hips.

And maybe Xena let out a little squeak, but it was loud in there, so who could tell.

Gabrielle took Xena's hands and placed them on her hips and Xena watched in awe as her own hands moved up and down with the movements of her friend's body.

"Make it look good, Xena. Come on, you have to touch me. At least pretend you're enjoying it."

And Xena _definitely_ let out a noise at that.

 _Pretend_ to enjoy it?

Hah!

But the invitation to touch Gabrielle definitely did not go unheard, and she took it as permission to fucking _finally_ run her hands over that tight, toned stomach she'd dreamed about touching for months. Years? Who could tell anymore.

She smiled hungrily, and let herself enjoy it, one hand moving to Gabrielle's back and pulling her closer.

And now Gabrielle's barely-concealed breasts were right in front of her face, and it took every ounce of Xena's strength to not just give in to the temptation to bury her head there and mouth at the soft, warm skin till it was red and wet.

Yeah, wet was the operative word here.

 _Bugger_.

She clenched her thighs together.

"Much better. Right, what'd you find out?"

What? What in Hades was Gabrielle talking about?

When she didn't respond, Gabrielle tucked her head down towards Xena's ear and Xena honestly thought that she would lose consciousness as Gabrielle's bare behind slid down her thighs, the movement bringing Xena's hand on Gabrielle's back further up to rest between her oh so muscular shoulders.

"Xena, did you find out anything about the incubus?"

The sound of her own name from Gabrielle's lips, so close to her ear was very nearly enough to make her miss the important part of that question.

Right. Oh yeah.

The incubus.

"Uh."

Her voice cracked as Gabrielle pretended to trail her lips down Xena's neck, keeping up the act for the many people Xena assumed were watching. The heat of Gabrielle's breath ghosting down her neck was perfect, amazing, wasn't enough, but Xena didn't dare pull her closer to make contact.

She cleared her throat and tried again.

"No, nothing. This town's useless. I ran into Autolycus though?"

Gabrielle laughed softly and withdrew, perching on Xena's knees.

Too far away.

She stood, and for a frantic instant, Xena thought she was about to leave, to go someplace else, but she stayed there, at the end of Xena's knees, and raised her hands above her head, ran them slowly, _slowly_ , down her own, body, all the while holding Xena's shocked gaze, and stopped at her hips. She turned, facing away from Xena, swayed her hips in time with the music, before turning back to face her.

And then.

Holy Zeus and Hera in the heavens or wherever the everloving fuck gods lived these days, _then_ Gabrielle took Xena's hands from where they'd fallen as she'd moved, and placed them on either side of her chest, at the edges of the cloth covering her breasts.

"Pull."

Xena had never been so quick to follow an order in her life.

She was dimly aware of a cheer from the people around her as the cloth fell, but everything was just Gabrielle.

How on this good Earth she managed to take that scrap off and _still_ be covered, Xena would never know, but now there was very little left to the imagination, nipples just _barely_ covered by what looked like scraps of parchment or leather stuck on with some kind of glue, perhaps, and that was pretty much all there was. As Gabrielle settled back down across Xena's thighs, bare breasts heaving in front of Xena’s face, there was not a single helpful thought left in her mind.

“I found out a lot more,” a circle of the hips.

“There’s a man who’s been visiting every night,” strong, gentle hands caressing her shoulders.

“For the last week,” those same hands slipping down the shoulder straps of Xena’s leathers.

“He’s young and apparently he’s very handsome,” a pale brow arched in disbelief. Xena’s hair brushed back and out of the way.

“The girls always fall unconscious during his visits,” a quick, dark stare into Xena’s eyes.

“By the time they wake up again, he’s gone,” head ducking down, hot breath hovering at the crook of her neck.

“And they have those... bite marks.” lips pressing softly, gently, to Xena’s skin.

Gabrielle hesitated, her mouth open against Xena’s neck, moving slowly, almost cautiously.

Xena felt teeth graze her neck, and for a brief, sublime moment she thought back to their run-in with Bacchus, and _Gods_ she wanted so badly for Gabrielle to _bite down_ and _mark her_ that she felt a low growl rumble through her chest.

Gabrielle had to have felt it, if not heard it, but Xena did _not_ care anymore.

She had _had_ it.

Gabrielle wanted a show? She’d get one.

Xena reached one hand behind her friend, caressing and kneading her behind, and slid the other up, up across her delightful stomach, just barely missing the bottom of her breasts, before moving around to the side of her breasts, thumbing at the soft skin there.

She wouldn’t touch Gabrielle’s there. Xena might be turned on out of her mind, but she wasn’t an animal. This was, after all, just a show. She wouldn’t overstep any boundaries.  
“He’s got-,” Gabrielle stuttered as Xena leaned in, mouthing at the hollow of her throat.

“Yes?” Xena smirked into Gabrielle’s neck.

“They said he’s only g- only got one eye…” Gabrielle’s words trailed off into a huffed breath, Xena’s mouth moving lower, the soft, warm swell of Gabrielle’s breasts tempting her onwards, further down, but she stopped, moving back up to Gabrielle’s neck, bringing the hand that was still behind her to mirror her other hand.

She pulled her head back to watch as she slid her thumbs down below Gabrielle’s breasts, on her ribs, fingers caressing the sides of her chest, watched the flush creep across Gabrielle’s cheeks, delighted in the slight parting of her friend’s lips as Xena-

Wait. What?

Xena stopped.

One eye?

That was important, she thought. Was it? Why was that important again?

What were they even talking about?

Gabrielle’s hips bucked, just slightly, almost subconsciously, and Xena would have been drawn right back down into the lustful haze had her friend not tipped her head back, allowing Xena to see across the room.

The patrons and dancing girls both were in various states of undress. Naked breasts heaved and bounced as girls writhed and twirled around the room. One girl had shed her scraps completely and was back on the stage again. And there, watching from in the corner, sat One-eye Philaus.

That wasn’t right. Was it? Why wasn’t it right?

Shit, she needed to think. She was meant to be helping people.

Probably.

Xena’s mind was foggy and slow, and as Gabrielle ran her hands up Xena’s thighs and under her leathers, mouth once again at Xena’s neck, she had never struggled so hard to force a single comprehensible thought into being.

Gabrielle’s hands dipped down, caressing the soft skin at the inside of Xena’s thighs, inching dangerously close to-

 _Fuck_.

Xena’s hips jerked and she moved her hands to grasp Gabrielle’s wrists, reluctantly bringing her friend’s hands back up to her shoulders.

Too close. Too fucking close. Any further and Gabrielle would have felt far more than she would have bargained for, and had this been _any_ other situation, Xena would have been elated to have her friend’s hands where she desperately wanted them, but for now, Xena was still trying to force that thought into her head, and there were people around, and this wasn’t real, not real, it was just pretend, and _oh_.

Xena sat straight upright, her mind slowly regaining its sensibility, and Gabrielle must have felt it, because she pulled back, looking into Xena’s eyes, reading her face, and Xena smiled softly. The urge to press a reassuring kiss to Gabrielle’s lips was almost overwhelming. She instead grasped her friend’s hands in her own and squeezed gently. She couldn’t stop herself from kissing the back of Gabrielle’s hand, but that was okay. That was what friends did, right?

Right.

So. About that thought.

Something was wrong. Philaus couldn’t be here. Xena had ridden _hard_. There was no way that he could, on foot, have caught up with her. Sure, she’d been here for a few hours now, but Philaus was old, and drunk, and stone dead unconscious when she’d seen him. And then there was something that Gabrielle had said, something that Xena had somehow managed to take in through the sex-riddled fog of soft skin and hot breath. Something about a handsome young man with one eye?

Ah.

Stone _dead_.

Oh.

Damn.

That damn demon had killed the old drunkard, stolen his image, and left his body outside the city to rot. No one would look for him.

Of course, the incubus would have had to alter his visage just enough to get in with the girls, perhaps Philaus was handsome in his youth.

Xena had to admit, it was a clever disguise. He had clearly stayed out of sight of the rest of the townsfolk, probably slinking around in the shadows, but if anyone did happen to catch a glimpse of him, they wouldn't question an old drunkard slouched behind an inn.

Her realisation was a quick one, mere seconds, but it was long enough for Gabrielle to notice the change in Xena and accommodate and cover for her pause.

Clever, clever Gabrielle. 

Gabrielle knew they couldn’t just sit there like that, Xena stick-straight with Gabrielle unmoving in her lap any longer, people would start to question their actions.

Gabrielle started moving again, hips circling, hands caressing Xena’s shoulders. She leaned in, close to Xena’s ear.

For a moment, Xena thought she would get sucked back down again. 

“You’ve got it, haven't you?”

Her mind was almost clear again, but she was still turned very on, and Gabrielle was still almost naked in her lap. She might as well make use of the moans that had been waiting to escape her throat and make a show of it.

“Mmm, yeah, yeah I do,” she let her voice be breathy, full of desire, and smirked as Gabrielle flushed and raised a brow at her tone.

She watched as a few folks jostled to get a better view of the two of them.

“He’s here. By the stage. I'll have to cut off his head to kill him. Follow my lead."

Xena knew what the scene looked like to them, the small blonde brothel-girl writhing and dancing and whispering filthy promises in the lap of the dark haired, mean-looking warrior, the warrior moaning her interest loudly and plainly.

Mean warrior it was, then.

She stood, scooping Gabrielle up in her arms as she went.

Gabrielle squealed, understandably not expecting to be manhandled so abruptly.

“This one’s mine. No one else is touching her tonight.” Her voice was steel and ice.

A round of _boos_ and general disappointment reached her.

“Bah, c’mon, you gotta share!”

“Yeah, she’s everyone’s! She ain’t yours!”

She levelled the folks around her with her deadliest gaze, one that had been, on occasion, known to send men running.

“She’s. _Mine_.”

The complaints died instantly. They turned away.

Gabrielle blinked up at her in surprise and maybe something darker, and Xena let her down, relishing in the feeling of her hands sliding over Gabrielle's soft, warm skin.

And Xena _knew_ they had work to do, she was so close to finishing, uh, something? But Gabrielle had placed her hands at Xena's waist, and pulled, pulled her near, and when Xena was so, so close to her, close enough to tip her face downwards and kiss the soft, parted, upturned lips of the almost-naked woman before her, - and maybe her head was starting to move on its own, who could tell - Gabrielle stopped and turned her head away. She took Xena's hands from where they rested on Gabrielle's hips and slid one upwards, up to just below her breast, and the other down and back, round to her bare backside.

An embarrassing noise escaped Xena. She covered it with a cough.

And she stared.

Well.

Probably 'ogled' was more accurate. 

Gabrielle's face was pure innocence, focused on the job at hand, but Xena would not sleep for weeks, because then Gabrielle turned, and took Xena's hand from her behind in her own, the movement causing Xena's other hand to slip and jostle and she briefly found herself with half a handful of Gabrielle's breast.

Holy fucking- _by the Gods_. She'd died. This was the Elysian Fields.

So soft. So warm. More please. More of that.

"The." Was all she managed.

"What? I'm following your lead," said Gabrielle lightly, making a show of walking them towards the stairs leading to the girls' rooms. Xena could have _sworn_ she heard a smirk and a breathlessness in her voice, but then again, it was a loud room.

"Xena?" Xena saw the back of Gabrielle's head tip to gesture towards some random corner of the inn, and for a brief moment, Xena was utterly lost. 

Oh.

Oh. Oh yeah.

She had a demon to decapitate.

Gods.

Horny thoughts, sadly, would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one really really ran away from me, but heck i enjoyed writing it!  
> My plot reveal may be lacking and weak but lets be real who's here for the plot


End file.
